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quickly now before they discover me hiding here.....   
03:01pm 22/03/2007
  ah yes.  keyboard, screen, fingers, check check.  check .  What am I doing here.  I cut my thumb a day ago and I'm typing on the cut.  Like an metaphor.  I'm trying to write.  Really write.  One page a day  I find my characters fustrating.  but I'll get thru it.

I got a job at a handbag shop in the mall.  A few hours a week.  Now I need to find a babysitter but I don't know where to look.  bah humbug.  I feel that dh should get the sitters though because he's the one going out of town.  ha.    It's just one evening a week and a weekend shift but that mey be enough.  I'm working on getting a really real job though.  Over the next year I'm hoping to find the jobs, learn the interviewing stuff, etc.  then get a job with the government.   My goal is to by a lakehouse in the next ten years. 

things are better.  I'm not sure who I am any more.  But I'm not looking for any particular label for myself.   Being sort of peace with the two is kind of like going into in a room and forgetting what you were looking for but finding a nice piece of chocolate, a hot cup of tea and something you've really wanted to do for a while.  

 I'm working on deciding if the shields I built protect me or keep me locked in.  I feel like I've lost a few years but gained a decade. 

I'm not interested in going back to school.  Right now.  I am taking some loose type classes.  But no more formal school for me.  For now.  

My brain is sort of itchy.    Maybe I need to do some thing.....like make tea. 

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Shoppibg, rambling, daydreaming   
10:43am 26/10/2006
  This week I had to go to a toy store. In the "girly" aisle I was drawn in by a tinker-bell costume. You can get tinker-bell shoes that come on their own pillow. I looked at these tink shoes quite carefully as my friend kellyjones has very small feet, but alas, they were still too small for her. Then I saw it, the Prince Charming doll a chick like me has been waiting for, he comes with a dozen doll shoes. ha. I could pretend he was my barbies best-friend/hair-stylist/designer and he could steal my barbies girlfriend with those damn shoes.

When I was young I had a lot of barbies. I got maybe two or three every b-day and christmas. I used to take off their heads and other parts and make "monsters", paint them, use egg whites to make their hair into dangerous spikes. Really a barbie can be quite to weapon if you make her hair into a strong point. I also had a Fonzie doll with a motorcycle. He had a button in his back that when push made his arm lift up and his thumb stick out. I wanted to have many children with fonzie, but I didn't want to marry him.

so this leads to my daydreaming. I realize that as a kid I just wanted to be a mom. A mom of a lot of kids. Lonely childhood mixed with that old fashioned childhood where it was okay that neighbourhood kids to roam from home to the playground and be reasonably safe. I think I'd like to have more kids. that said maybe I shouldn't this life time. Ariel Gore said something along the lines that having kids is an act of hope. I have two acts of hope and would probably like many more. I'm not in a place to be a foster mother or adopt. Having babies makes me crazy but perhaps since we're better off, exercising, socializing, in a house, I have an excellent therapist, the stress of my mothers illness is over, etc. I feel more positive and all of that. On the other hand with two in a year or two I can start a small career, a teachers aide, a preschool teacher, etc. my family as it is now would have a level of comfort I never thought I would attain in this lifetime. With more kids we'd have less cash, less time, and more to go around. I gave away almost all of my baby stuff but dh's answer to that was we'd have enough saved to get new/newish stuff in a year. I also might get a girl-child out of the deal but I'm sort of intrigued by the idea of having a bunch of boys. It's a bad habit of mine collecting boys.

I also like the idea of just being a mom, and when people ask me what I do just saying "yoga, meditating, writing, and parenting." There is this perfectionist who has always been on the outside of her desires, a little controlling part of me who sees this as a way of attaining an untouchable ideal. Who can really critisize this life course and if they do I can just call them over worked bitter feminists (irony there okay) and feel smug in my superiority because who wouldn't want to push out a batch of kids and not worry about anything else. (LOL) It's a fantasy in my head that belies the reality. I want to be more of Bree and less of Lynette while looking like Gabrielle. (pheh on the other ones.) Or do I want the original Lynette as Bree. I might be nice to get paid well for a job I was good at though but that part of me is the insecure victim type and the perfectionist doesn't like uncontrollable situations.

Wow, I didn't know this was weighing on me more than I thought. Perhaps it's just the Samhain-Mercury Retrograde. New year soon. I'm going to wear my halloween costume all day so no ghosts can find me. I'll be really upset if my mom is still bouncing around, she needed to pass, there was nothing unfinished.
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This too   
04:11pm 05/07/2005
  Never Explain!!!

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This is funny   
03:56pm 05/07/2005
  I hope this linkie-loo works.

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01:08pm 18/01/2005

Your Silver-Age Superhero Career
LJ Username
Your alias first-name is:
Your alias last-name is:
You can turn....
You team up with... fleagirl
...to battle: Tom Brokaw
You petition to join: the Justice League of America
Their response: they keep changing the subject to "Where do you get your costume cleaned?"
You are best remembered for: referring to Alex Trebek as a "wooly-headed mountie-humper" on Superhero Jeopardy
Your heroic level: - 68%
This quiz by sigma7 - Taken 28439 Times.
New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology and Horoscopes

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ooohhh my belly   
11:45pm 09/05/2004
  I'll make this simple.
buying a house...
What do you all think of...???


A house owned be a gent about to enter a care home. Right by Mount Royal.



A house owned by a lady about to enter a care home. Right by Royal West Campus. By Perseshone Theater, Howard Coad School. Kick ass deck and play structure.



this one has a very nice finished basement and lots of handiwork by the owner.
right by ED Feehan.

House stuff sucks ass but I'm gonna get a dog. Just thinking about the dog. A poodle, a miniature Poodle I will name toodle. (My mini poodle Toodle.) Or a Mini Collie I will name Lollie or Jollie. The dog will be a girl.

I will get a job at the theater. I will sell tickets.

We looked at a house in my current area. It was a rental. While I was checking out the fireplace I noticed a memorial card for a man with whom I attended highschool. He is dead. He had a wonderful smile. He represented Canada at the Commonwealth Games for Judo or Karate or some such thing. His Girlfriend at that time got a medal. I still have a poster they made about her. He is in the background. It's really uncomprehendable actually. Sometimes my yearbook is like a graveyard. We're not buying that house. More because it had a teeny tiny staircase and I have a giant husband.

Still working.

I miss everyone so very much. So much.
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Yet another service announcement (US mama's...)   
09:21am 12/02/2004
  Or Chaz ponders...Just what is the ACLU and why I am I getting updates and calls to action from them?

From: Matt Howes, National Internet Organizer, ACLU
To: ACLU Action Network Members
Date: February 11, 2004

Stop the Radical Religious Right from Amending the U.S. Constitution

Spurred by the recent Massachusetts State Supreme Court decision
against discrimination, the Bush Administration and some members of the
radical religious right are aggressively campaigning to amend the U.S.
Constitution to deny the right to marry to same-sex couples in committed relationships.

Just today, the Bush Administration signaled that the President will
endorse this mean-spirited measure. The Massachusetts ruling recognized that gay and lesbian Americans serve in our military, keep our communities safe as firefighters and police officers, staff our hospitals, build our cities and pay taxes. The Massachusetts court ruled that the state cannot deny to gay couples the same marital legal rights in pensions, health insurance, hospital visitations and inheritance that other committed couples enjoy. The radical religious right wants to write intolerance into the U.S. Constitution and forbid equality to these citizens. As a nation we have periodically struggled with the question of marriage -- the last law prohibiting people from different races from marrying was overturned only 35 years ago -- but we have never taken the step of amending the Constitution to define marriage. Revising the Constitution to incorporate discrimination is wrong and should be rejected.

Take Action! Urge your Members of Congress to reject efforts to write discrimination into the Constitution!

Click here for more information and to send free faxes to your
Members of Congress:

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Another service update (more for ontario mama's)   
09:18am 12/02/2004


On August 4 of last year, Toronto police responded to a call around a
'disturbance' outside a donut shop on Albion Road in the North-West
Toronto community of Rexdale. As they pulled up, people on the scene
scattered. One young man, Jama Jama, however, followed their
to stay where he was. He was grabbed, beaten badly, then charged with
assault police and causing a disturbance.

What the police did not know was that another person was making a video
the whole incident as it unfolded. It is clear that Jama was beaten
without any possible justification and, contrary to the police account,
was clearly unhurt before his interaction with them began.

Since the beating, Jama has refused to stay silent. He has been
out about what happened to him and about the reality of policing in his

On February 16, Jama has his next court appearance on this matter. His
community supporters are demanding that these outrageous and totally
unjustified charges be dropped at that time.

Close to 400 signatures were delivered to the Head Crown Attorney this
week, collected by and from Jama's community in Rexdale. Add your voice
the call for the charges to be dropped by writing or calling the Crown
Attorney's Office. And come out to court next week to support.


Paul Culver, Senior Crown

Telephone: (416) 327.5990
Fax: (416) 327-6056

Crown Attorney's Office,
361 University Avenue,
TORONTO, Ontario
M5G 1T1


Monday, February 16th
10 am
2201 Finch Avenue West,
Courtroom 207

Take the subway to Downsview Station
Take the Finch bus west to Arrow Road (just east of Weston)

For more info, call OCAP at 416.925.6939
Super Size Me: A Film of Epic Portions   
03:03pm 11/02/2004


"serious look at America's addiction to fast food.

Spurlock, a tall New Yorker of usually cast-iron constitution, made himself the guinea pig in this dogged investigation into the effects of fast food on the body. He ate only at McDonald's for a month - three meals, every day - and took a camera crew along to record it. If a server offered to super-size his order, he was obliged to accept - and to ingest everything, gherkins and all.

Neither Spurlock, 33, nor the three doctors who agreed to monitor his health during the experiment were prepared for the degree of ruin it would wreak on his body. Within days, he was vomiting up his burgers and battling with headaches and depression. And his sex drive vanished.

When Spurlock had finished, his liver, overwhelmed by saturated fats, had virtually turned to pate. "The liver test was the most shocking thing," said Dr Daryl Isaacs, who joined the team to watch over him. "It became very, very abnormal."



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12:34pm 26/01/2004
  img src="http://images.quizilla.com/1033398526_tsgothcopy.jpg" border="0" alt="">
You're in the Goth box.

What box do you get put in?
brought to you by Quizilla
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12:11am 24/01/2004
  hah! Tomorrow night I'm going to watch Vanilla Ice's movie Cold as Ice.
I have a few brain cells I need to lose.
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12:02pm 23/01/2004
My life has been rated:
Click to find out your rating!
See what your rating is!
     Read 4 - Post
Just in case   
11:09am 15/01/2004


This site is good for a laugh.  Check out the lord of the rings trailer.  And Potato Potato Potato.  If haven't been here yet because from the numbers it looks like everyone in the technocratic class has been here.  But it's better than an episode of friends.

Food not Bombs Stuff   
10:53am 13/01/2004
  Food Not Bombs World Gathering!
Organizing E-List Up and Running!

Greetings Everyone!

As many of you have heard, organizing is now getting
under way to hold an international gathering of Food
Not Bombs groups in New York City, August 2004. We
need you to take active part in shaping the vision of
gathering and actions during the Republican National
Only the smallest steps have already been taken to
turn this idea into reality. We need your help!

Before leaving the computer please subscribe to the
and running organizing e-mail list. You can get on
board by sending an e-mail to :

From there we can begin to work together to pull off
kick ass gathering! Also, below is a copy of the
proposal for an international gathering and a
questionnaire that have been sent around. (Take the
time to fill out the questionnaire with your group if
you haven’t yet.) Please forward them to any fnb
people you know or would like to see make it to the
Announce the organizing list in your outreach.

Let’s get on with it! We’ve got a world to win!
Shawn, Richmond Food Not Bombs
August 28th to Sept. 2nd 2004, the Republican
Convention will gather in New York City to re-nominate
George W. Bush to presidential office. In response,
thousands of people will mobilize to oppose the
egregious policies, principles and politics of the
Republican party.

Food Not Bombs groups have called for an
Gathering to precede the RNC. We hope to bring
together FNB chapters from all around the world to New
York for discussion, food sharing and direct action.
We would like to see the formation and goals of this
conference decided democratically to include input and
ideas fom everyone interested.
This undertaking requires assistance from as many
people as possible, please join together.
Join the list serv fnbnornc@lists.riseup.net

Would you be interested in attending an international
Food Not Bombs gathering in New York during the
Republican National Convention?
What do you want to see out of an international
gathering (i.e. spokescouncils, skill-shares, speakers
and workshops)?
How many people do you think your chapter could send?
What kind of supplies could your group bring? What
kind of contributions?
What kind of actions would you like FNB to
in while in New York?
What kind of problems do you think your group would
have in traveling to New York and engaging in the the
gathering and actions?
Would you be interested in sponsoring traveling
during a springtime North American tour preceeding the
international gathering?
Pretty pictures, Pretty trailer   
11:19am 07/01/2004
  Here http://duirwaighgallery.com/inspiration_trailer.htm  
04:17pm 04/01/2004

How Hot Is It In Hell ?

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home
exam for his graduate students. It had one question:
"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and
heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One
student, however wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that
souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are
leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once
a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no
souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look
at the different religions that exist in the world
today.  Some of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell.  Since there are more than one of these religions and  since people do not belong to more than one  religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell, because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.  This gives two possibilities.

1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the
rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and
pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to
me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then 2) cannot be true, and therefore Hell is exothermic."

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Listen carefully young toy store worker   
02:16pm 23/12/2003
  A new employee was hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. The
personnel manager explained her duties, and told her to report to work
promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM, there was a knock at the personnel manager's
door. The assembly line foreman came in and started ranting about this
new employee. He said she was incredibly slow, and the whole line was
backing up.
The foreman took the personnel manager down to the factory floor to
him the problem.

Sure enough, Elmo's were backed up all over the place. At the end
of the line was the new employee. She had a roll of the material used
the Elmo's and a big bag of marbles. They both watched as she cut a
little piece of fabric, wrapped it around two marbles, and sewed the
little package between Elmo's legs.

The personnel manager started laughing hysterically. After several
minutes, he pulled himself together, walked over to the woman, and
said, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is
give Elmo two test tickles."

Detroit or a completely useless post   
02:11am 23/12/2003
  In Saskatchewan we get Detroit Cable. PBS, ABC, NBC, CBS, all from Detroit. In Highschool my French teacher made us pronounce it a la francais. much like DU Toi. It's very pompass but that's how I pronounce it in my mind. And I really don't like that type of prentious affectation of language. Du Toi is in my head though. But a lot of strange folk are from that city (and the state). The only militia member who ever signed up for mamatron was from there. She thought it was the other kind of radical site. She invited me to visit her in Du Toi to see what the real world is like and to get away from my fairy tale socialist universal healthcare existance. But I've been watching the news from there for the first time in goodness 13 years (i haven't had cable much since then and never watched their news.) And the women are still the same. I have a cousin in Du Toi too. Margaret, cousin Margaret. She smelled bad When she came to visit just after my grandmother died she was given got the quilt my grandmother made for me.

Now I have to go to sleep.
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05:26pm 17/12/2003
My LiveJournal 12 Days
My True Love gave to me...
12 beanqueens a-calling.
11 beansproutss a-typing.
10 debmorbetos a-sniffing.
9 jessindistresss a-drumming.
8 kelly_joness a-leaping.
7 marta_haris a-singing.
6 miserypuddings a-spitting.
5 red-orange mustard_seeds.
4 ranting reddiaperbabys.
3 Italian suzieds.
2 donkey ubershtis.
And a zaftigvegan in a pomelo tree.
Get gifts! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.
     Read 3 - Post
02:34pm 17/12/2003
Quiz Me
chaz spins tunes as
DJ Hip Outlaw

Get your dj name @ Quiz Me

Quiz Me
chazella spins tunes as
DJ Indecent Slug

Get your dj name @ Quiz Me